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Why?

 Why is it like this?
 Why does it have to be so tiring?
 Why is everything crumbling down from my world?
 Why?
 I thought the closer we got, the friendship would last longer. Was I wrong? Was it me who pushed them away? I don't know anymore. Even so, I blame everything on ME. Maybe if I changed, things would get better?
What is happiness? I ask myself that everyday. The only reason I ever dare to wake up every morning is to wake up to the sun and feels its warmth that I've slowly been losing. Sometimes I wish I could never wake up from my sleep.
Would they even care if I no longer existed? Would it be worth worrying over for them? I wish I could be the Sun. I dream to be that big ball of everlasting energy that I wake up to every morning.
"Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality."
--Emily Dickinson

Why Not Just Speak Up?

You say you're loved,

     you're not.

You say you love everyone,

     you don't.

You say you're cool,

     you're not.

You say you're a great student in school,

     you don't care.

You say you have many friends,
 
     you don't.

You say you don't care about what others think,

     you DO!

You say you don't lie,
    
     you DO!

You say you don't feel lonely and torn up inside,

     you DO!

You say you want to live life with the people you are the closest
to until it's too late,

     you DO!

You say you want the pain to stop,

     you DO!

You say you want to end your life,

     you do.

   

                                       

The Black Sheep Felt Left Out?

The black sheep was never accepted by the other sheep. Always different and not included. That sheep must have been pretty lonely everyday. Why does being left out make the walls around me smaller? Why can't I ever fit in with the people I'm most comfortable with? Always watching and observing others in their own little world of happiness, but never the one who gets to join in. Acceptance. Happiness. Involved. Why do those words sound unfamiliar to me? I wonder sometimes.......How everything and everyone would move forward without me. Being behind the glass where no one would notice me and just keep moving on. What would it be like if I wasn't welcomed into this world? Maybe things wouldn't change if I weren't alive.



Remembering The Past Is Painful, Isn't It?

Why can't all good memories be remembered for the happiness instead of the pain? The past hits me like a thousand buses and I suddenly remember all the times when I was happy and just didn't care about anything....But along with the past, comes the realization that I'll never get to experience those kind of "good memories" ever again. Sometimes, I wish I can disappear along with the past and just do nothing or just to be forgotten. What happened to that girl who could just move on with life without taking a step back and just be happy that the future is on its way? Why can't good memories just stay as good memories? Remembering hurts more than moving forward.



Feeling Trapped?

There's a girl. She's locked in a dark room with nowhere to go. She has nothing to do except face that large door which blocks her from the outside world; reality. After staring at the door continuously, she continues to shout, "Let me out! Let me out! LET ME OUT!". She finds her countless shouts futile and doesn't know what to do or expect. Tears stream down her face as she continuously cries and cries. All she can do is cry in loneliness and shout in anger, waiting to be let out. She realizes she won't ever be able to get out of the darkness. But she begins thinking that someone is out there for some odd reason. Talking to the door, she says,"I know you're out there. One day I'll get out of this miserable place and express what I feel in rage and destroy everything out there. Especially you. You'll feel my pain and wish you never locked me in this room. It was nice talking to you whoever you are." Who may you ask that has locked her in that room? I am the one who locked the girl in the room.

Why does one's existence matter so much?

Lately, people's existences have been making me confused and wonder why they are so important. Why am I thinking of this? I don't know. But I just want to know what makes one's existence so special that you worry or feel for. If that one's existence is so important, can't they just put up a wall and block out the whole world and still be important. The fact that they are there makes it better even if they simply don't care? There's one's existence that I've been confused about for a while and it's been getting to me lately where I don't even know what to feel anymore but darkness and loneliness. These confusions have been hurting me emotionally and physically where I wonder if it will ever stop. Will it ever stop?